The Five Stages of Gay Dating

I. Dating--dating more than one person at a time is okay. sex is not necessarily part of the deal and its probably not very good anyway. frequent bar-hopping and clubbing.

II. Serious Dating--you are not boyfriends yet, but you are dating exclusively. sex definitely part of the deal--usually it's the dessert at the end of every date and it had better be great or there is no chance to get to stage III. still bar-hopping and clubbing, but not often--you both start to eschew the scene in favor of dinners/movies/taking walks/going away for a weekend here and there.

III. Boyfriends--congratulations, you are now officially "together". usually a minimum of 3-6 months to get to this stage--any faster and chances are high that one or both of you are co-dependent (you don't need a boyfriend--you need a therapist). sex is fantastic and frequent, 5-6x per week, sometimes more. you alternate staying at each others' places on weekends. clubbing and bar-hopping only when your single friends beg you to go out with them, for birthdays, or for gay high holy days like halloween and pride.

IV. "Married"--maybe you live together now, maybe not. sex is fantastic but rare. your friends are his friends and vice versa. you start being sick of the sight of him. does he always have to go with you everywhere? you begin to wonder. clubs and bars are places you "used to hang out at, but not anymore". winetasting is now the approved activity. if you are a cheater, this is when you start cheating (if you were cheating before now, it just means you are a 'ho at heart, embrace it).

V. Swinging--one of you asks about opening up the relationship and you both agree. this can go on for years and may or may not save the relationship, who knows? but really, why bother with the risk? save yourself the years of stage V and just break it off--you're not getting any younger. remain friends and keep the friends of his that you always liked anyway. after a few weeks or months (depending on how emotionally detached you are) start with stage one again.

Rinse. Repeat.